One of my favorite country songs gave me the title to this post,
What might have been by
Lonestar. The lyrics of that song could supply multiple posts for me, but I'll focus on one.
Depression has been a thorn in my side since my early twenties. I've never been clinically depressed but I suffer with moments (sometimes weeks or months) of just a downcast spirit. There is never a prominent circumstance which leads to this state. I think life in general does it :) So I find myself in another of those moments right now. There is an anxiety inside of me at the moment that I can't put a finger on. Very frustrating.
Lately, my mind has thought about how I'm a couple steps behind most of my peers. I went to college after high school but did not finish right away. I left college and traveled with
Life Action Ministries for three years. After that, I moved home to Somerset, Kentucky for two years. After seven years of being out of high school, I went back to college. When my ten-year high school reunion came up I had just finished undergraduate work.
Most of my high school classmates had been finished with that part of life and been in a job for a good four plus years. That meant they were already paying on their student loans, buying a house instead of renting, and possibly married with children. I was just starting that part of life. Now, don't get me wrong, I know God had plans for me to travel with Life Action Ministries and not finish my degree for a while. But, from those decisions has come a present frustration.
As a thirty-year-old woman living in Nashville, I am extremely tied down to some financial obligations that most of my classmates have moved past. They are free to explore a career they would enjoy, not just have a job that pays bills. Since I didn't know what I wanted to spend my life doing for a career at the age of seventeen, I don't have the education to back career paths I would love to venture down. And to start now with the educational training is nearly impossible. The money simply isn't there. If someone wants to cover my bills for a couple of years, I would be very willing to pursue the degree I want.
Where the song title comes into play is this: What might have been, what would be in my life right now if I'd known what college major to have right out of high school? Where would I be financially, relationally, vocationally?
OK, enough melancholy Mindy.